Music dates for long-distance couples

Music is one of the easiest ways to feel close to someone far away. Hearing the same song at the same moment, or putting on a playlist they made for you, can make the distance feel a little smaller. Here are ways to build music into your long-distance relationship, from quick daily habits to full date nights.

The simplest music date: press play at the same time and listen together. It works best when you:

• Pick a whole album, not a shuffle. Albums have a shape, and listening from start to finish feels like an event.
• Take turns choosing, and introduce your choice: why this album, when you first heard it, which song to wait for.
• Talk in between songs, or keep a video call open on mute so you can see each other's reactions.

Some apps let you listen in sync automatically. Otherwise, a countdown from three works fine.

A playlist you both add to becomes a soundtrack to your relationship. A few ways to make it special:

• One song a week each, with a short message about why you added it.
• Themed playlists: songs for missing each other, songs for the airport, songs from your first visit, songs for cooking together.
• A "found it first" list of new music you discovered and want the other to hear.

Years later, these playlists become a kind of diary.

Make a playlist that tells the story of your relationship so far: the song that was playing when you met, the one you sang badly together, the one that reminds you of their city. Play it to them and explain each choice. It's a wonderful anniversary gift.

If you grew up in different places, introduce each other to the music you grew up with: the songs your parents played, the hits from your teenage years, the music from your festivals and weddings. It's a fun way to learn about each other's childhoods, and often leads to great stories.

Many artists stream concerts and live sessions online. Pick one, dress up a little, and watch together with drinks and snacks. If one of you goes to a real concert, share a short clip or call during a favourite song (with headphones and a considerate thumb over the speaker).

If either of you plays an instrument, or wants to learn:

• Play for each other on calls. It doesn't have to be good.
• Learn the same song on different instruments and try playing it together. (Video lag makes real-time playing tricky, but recording parts separately and combining them is fun.)
• Sing together. Karaoke over video is terrible and joyful in equal measure.

Music dates don't always have to be just the two of you. Invite a few friends from each side onto a call, have everyone bring one song, and take turns playing them. It's a relaxed way for your friends to get to know your partner, and you'll come away with new music.

Set a small challenge: each week, both of you find one artist neither of you has heard before. Swap on your weekly call and decide together whether they make it onto your shared playlist. Some ways to find new music:

• Look up what's popular in each other's countries this week.
• Listen to a radio station from your partner's city.
• Ask friends or family for their favourite song from when they were your age.
• Pick a genre neither of you usually listens to, just for a week.

A song can change the feel of a whole call. Play something upbeat at the start of a Friday date, something soft for a bedtime call, or the song from your first visit when one of you is feeling low. Over time, certain songs become signals: "this is our cooking song", "this is our goodnight song".

Not every music moment needs to be a date. Some small habits:

• Send the song that's stuck in your head this morning.
• Share what you're listening to on your walk home.
• Pick a "song of the week" for your relationship.
• Fall asleep to the same calm playlist at the same time.

Many couples choose a song to play the moment they're finally together again: in the car from the airport, or in the kitchen on the first night. It gives you something to look forward to, and the first time you hear it in the same room is unforgettable.

For other ways to spend an evening together, see our 20 free long-distance date ideas.

Write down the songs that mark important moments: the one playing the night you first said "I love you", the one you heard in the taxi after a visit, the album you listened to on a hard week. In a few years, that list will tell the story of your relationship better than any photo album.