After the airport goodbye: getting through the first week apart

Almost every long-distance couple says the same thing: the hardest part isn't the months apart, it's the days right after a visit. The apartment is quiet, the routine feels empty and the next visit feels impossibly far away. Here's how to make the goodbye, and the week after it, a little easier.

The single most helpful thing you can do is leave with a date. Even a rough one ("the second week of December") gives your brain something to hold on to. If you can, book it together on the last day.

Don't try to cram everything in. A slow breakfast, a walk, one favourite place. A calm last day is easier to leave than an exhausting one.

Rushed goodbyes at security feel worse later. Give yourselves a few minutes, say what you want to say, and take one last photo together.

A note in their bag, a hoodie that smells like you, a letter to open on the flight home. Small things help the first few days feel less empty.

It's normal to feel flat, restless or low for a few days. That's not a sign something is wrong with the relationship; it's a sign the visit mattered. Be kind to yourself.

The first evening back is often the hardest moment of all. Plan for it so you're not facing an empty room with nothing to do:

• Arrange a call for when the travelling partner arrives home, even if it's short.
• Have something easy to eat, so nobody is hungry, tired and sad at the same time.
• Make plans with a friend for the day after, so there's something to look forward to.
• Unpack straight away. A half-unpacked suitcase in the corner keeps the goodbye feeling unfinished.

The goodbye feels different depending on which side of it you're on. The person who leaves has the distraction of travel, but arrives home tired and alone. The person who stays is surrounded by reminders: the mug they used, the side of the bed they slept on, the café you went to together.

Neither is easier. It helps to talk about how each of you is feeling, rather than assuming the other has it better. Sometimes simply saying "the flat feels so quiet without you" is enough to feel less alone in it.

Many couples notice they're more likely to argue in the days after a visit. You're both tired, emotional and adjusting back to screens after days of being together. A short reply can feel cold when you've just had weeks of hugs.

If you notice tension building, name it: "I think we're both just sad about the goodbye." It often takes the sting out of a disagreement before it starts. Our guide to arguing well when you live apart has more on this.

Get back to your usual calls, your weekly date and your shared rituals as soon as you can. Routine is what makes the distance feel normal again.

Spend a call planning the next visit instead of only talking about the last one. What will you do? Where will you eat? Start a countdown. Looking forward is one of the best cures for post-visit blues.

Put your favourite photos into an album or a strip, and look at it together on a call. Revisiting the visit as something you made together, rather than something that ended, changes how it feels.

• Keep their hoodie or something that smells like them close by.
• Rewatch a film you saw together on the visit.
• Cook a meal you shared while they were there.
• Write down your favourite moments from the visit before the details fade.
• Send each other one photo from the trip every day for a week.

For most couples, the heavy feeling fades over about a week as routines come back and the next visit gets closer. If you find each goodbye getting harder rather than easier, it might be a sign you need to talk about the bigger picture: how often you see each other, or when the distance might end. Our guide to closing the distance is a good place to start that conversation.

And on the hardest evenings, remember why it hurts: because the time together was good. That's worth something, even when it doesn't feel like it.