Long-distance Valentine's Day ideas

Valentine's Day can be tough in a long-distance relationship. Restaurants are full of couples, social media is full of flowers and grand gestures, and you're eating dinner in front of a screen. But with a little planning, a long-distance Valentine's can be one of the most thoughtful celebrations you have, precisely because it takes intention.

Before planning anything, have a quick chat about how much Valentine's means to each of you. For some people it's a big deal. For others it's a commercial holiday they'd rather skip. Neither is wrong, but finding out early avoids a disappointed partner on the night.

The heart of a long-distance Valentine's is usually a planned date over video. Treat it like a real date:

• Set the time in advance, taking time zones into account. If the day itself doesn't work, pick the closest evening that does.
• Dress up. It feels silly for about thirty seconds, then it feels special.
• Set the scene. Candles, fairy lights, a tablecloth, flowers if you have them.
• Eat together. Order the same takeaway, cook the same recipe, or have dinner delivered to each other.
• Have a plan for after dinner: a film, a game, a playlist, or questions to ask each other.

Our guide to cooking dates over video has recipes that work well for a special evening.

There's something magical about a surprise arriving at their door on Valentine's Day.

• Flowers or chocolates from a local shop in their city, with your own note.
• A care package posted well in advance, labelled "do not open until 14 February".
• Their favourite meal delivered to their door at the time of your date.
• A handwritten letter. Post it early: international post can be slow, especially in February.

See our gift ideas for a long-distance partner for more.

Words travel better than anything else. Some ideas:

• A love letter about specific moments: the first time you spoke, a favourite visit, something small they do that you adore.
• A list of reasons you love them. It doesn't have to be a hundred. Ten honest ones are plenty.
• Open-when letters for the months ahead. Our guide to open-when letters has thirty envelope ideas.
• A voice note reading your letter out loud, so they can hear it in your voice.

If you're many hours apart, it might be morning for one of you and night for the other. That's fine:

• Have a breakfast-and-dinner date: one of you eats breakfast while the other eats dinner.
• Celebrate across two days, starting when it's Valentine's for the first person and finishing when it ends for the other.
• Leave messages to be opened when they wake up, so their day starts with you.

• Take a photo strip together with a romantic theme: matching red outfits, holding up hearts, or recreating an old photo.
• Watch a romantic film in sync and argue about whether it's actually romantic.
• Make a shared playlist of songs that remind you of each other.
• Plan your next visit together on the night. Booking tickets is one of the best Valentine's gifts there is.

If you've only been together a short time, Valentine's can feel like a lot of pressure. Keep it simple: a thoughtful message, a video date and a small surprise are plenty. There's no need to go big. A warm, personal gesture usually means more than an expensive one.

If you've been long distance for years, Valentine's can start to feel routine. Try something new:

• Swap roles: whoever usually plans dates gets the night off, and the other person plans everything.
• Recreate your first Valentine's, or your first date, as closely as you can.
• Write a "then and now" letter: what you thought of them when you first met, and what you love about them now.
• Make a plan for next year's Valentine's together, in person if you can.

If you're not sure where to start, here's an easy plan for a Valentine's video date:

1. Get ready at the same time and show each other your outfits.
2. Toast with a drink you both like.
3. Eat dinner together, delivered or cooked on the call.
4. Exchange gifts or letters that you've both kept sealed until tonight.
5. Do something together: a film, a game or questions to ask each other.
6. Take a photo to remember the night.

Not everyone in a long-distance relationship wants to spend the whole evening on a call. It's fine to see friends on Valentine's Day too, and call your partner before or after. What matters is that you've agreed on a plan that suits you both.

It's okay if Valentine's makes you feel the distance more than usual. Talk about it rather than pretending everything is perfect. You might even agree to celebrate a different day: the anniversary of your first call, or the first night of your next visit. Valentine's is one day. The care you show each other the rest of the year matters far more.